We met 6 years ago, and our courtship was brief. We got married months after our first flirtatious “Hello.”
I was a kid back then, leveraging divorce in every other fight. Thinking it was the ultimate power play. And sure, all the articles about “How To Save Your Marriage” always condemned my petulant behaviour.
All those perfectly staged photos of happy couples would almost glare at me, condescendingly – as if they were mocking my insolence. “The answer is RIGHT here! In this article,” their eyes would scream at me.
But I was defiant. Defiant in the failure of my relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, there is infinite love still there – we made a beautiful baby together, a life together, memories together. But the love has transformed into something a little too comfortable, a little too lack lustre, a little less in love.
But sometimes that’s not enough.
Is it enough?
You see, there’s a glamourized, glossy image of what divorce is. Perks for days. You get to fall in love all over again – get to have an eternity of first kisses and butterflies.
And like any good marketing ploy, I bit hard.
I mean, what’s 5 years of my life – thrown away anyway? Especially, when the grass is artificial and will always be green on the other side.
And who could possibly cultivate green grass, when the foundation was toxic. I wasn’t happy – which means I couldn’t possibly be making him happy. And 5 years – that’s a small price to pay for the almost promised future of eternal happiness – I mean, that’s what they tell you right?
At least, all my divorced friends did. And all my friends were all happily divorced.
And what’s a divorce under my belt now anyways? Statistically, I was doomed for failure from the start. Hell, I was only on my first, friends of mine were already wrapping up their second and were planning for their third. So really, I’m just the cultural “norm.”
Now, I could live the life I always wanted – become a writer of masterpieces and finally get interviewed by Jon Stewart. I could focus on being a super mom, and balance the perfect life of family, friends and career.
You see, I had gotten to this place where I had blended so much into suburban life, I had lost sight of everything I ever wanted to become. Life was mundane, no longer illustrious with prospects of a bright future. What had started off as just a phase, morphed into my new being. And I just needed to muster the strength to get up again, a motivation I was losing exponentially as each day went on. There came a point where we just couldn’t try.
And I deserve those things, right? I deserve to be happy too? Don’t I? Doesn’t he?
And it’s just paperwork anyways – right? A quick sign on the dotted lines.
I mean, can’t you just do it all online anyways?
No one tells you the truth about divorce – no one crosses the T’s and dots the I’s when you’re being initiated into the growing club.
But I will.
Sweet Dreams World.