If you have a penis – then you want a blow job.
It’s as simple as that.
And yet how can a desire so basic be so hard to come by?
You’ve had those conversations with friends where there’s always that one girl who proclaims, “I don’t give head.”
And the others follow suit.
Many men sit perplexed with their partners wondering how they couldn’t possibly want to please them.
I mean how many times are you going to gyrate your hips suggestively in their face?
“Why won’t they get the hint?” You think to yourself.
We get the hint.
And here are 5 reasons we rather not.
1.) You Smell Funny.
Maybe proximity to your junk makes you immune to the foul stench that emanates from that region. Sure – you bathe daily. We believe you. Really, we do. The male anatomy is a logistical mess – there’s way too much going on in such a tiny area of the body – and without adequate ventilation – well you get the picture.
And would it kill you to trim a little? Not like a baby bare situation – but you know, some basic manscaping? It’s true – you know, trimming the hedges does make the tree look bigger.
2.) Why is it called a “blow job” anyways?
The name is so deceptive. How do you expect us to know what to do if you can’t even get the name right? And since the topic of head is rarely – if ever, covered in sex-ed, how can you expect us to feel confident enough to go down under without a map or basic instructions. I remember being younger and sitting with a bunch of my girlfriends – the topic of head naturally surfaced and a girl actually thought all you had to do was literally blow.
“Just ask.” You say.
Well, allow me this – do you?
Do you ever ask?
Case and point.
3.) The Girl With The Blow Job Tattoo.
Girls – this one is for you. We all have “that” friend. The skanky, loose, adventurous – likes to do sexual things with office supplies and other inanimate objects type.
You bet she gives head – don’t you.
If she does that with carrots – then she totally does.
You would never do the things she does – wouldn’t you.
Because you wouldn’t want people to think that way about you.
The social stigma alone is enough to soften any erection. No one wants to be known as the skank who goes down on guys.
We’ve engrained that traditional sex is the only type we need or enjoy – and that is the ultimate cock block of all.
Maybe we need to change the way we judge things.
4.) Give Head Get Head
Boys – this one is for you.
Stop being so selfish.
That is all.
5.) Baby Come On
There is nothing more off-putting than “the move” you boys have pioneered.
You know, you’re making out for a while then you gently place your hand on your partner’s head and slowly push down.
Shame on you.
It’s an unimaginative – highly insulting method of delivering a message. The best way to get what you want?
See # 4.
Lead by example.
Sweet Dreams World