Day -26: Mine

This morning, I awoke feeling like proverbial ass. Splitting headache and all. Rubbing away at the eye snot that had accumulated over my night of congested rest, I watched the handle of my two year old’s bedroom door start to turn.

Funny, I could have sworn he slept in a crib. Unless he…Oh my God, he climbed out. I grab at the arm holding me in place and start to tug, he mumbles his daily “Five more minutes.”

“He’s escaped,” I whisper. I can feel his eyes shoot open as he finds his way out of bed. He returns with Little A who sports a look. And if you know children – specifically two year olds, you know the look. It’s a “I’m going to do absolutely everything I shouldn’t do” expression. One that instills in me the fear of everything scary.

I reach for my phone for my daily zombie apocalypse check. Little A nestles his head on my shoulder. It’s really stage one of his plan  – deceit. I am meant to buy into this behaviour and let my guard down. But not today, today I feel like ass. As I lean in to kiss my hand, he snatches my phone.

“Can you please give mommy her phone back?”

“No! My phone!” He returns assertively. Almost convincing me that it is in fact his phone.

My husband leans in for what I expect is a kiss on my forehead, only to swipe my ipad and head towards the bathroom to commence his morning rituals with my tooth brush in his mouth.

I want to hide under the sheets.

But I can’t.

I hear the sound of camera clicking, and  there’s Little A taking a million photos of himself with the same expression. Last time we played this game, he took over 100 photos of his chin.

We head downstairs for breakfast. Bagels it is. But not before I snatch my bra out of Skrillex’s (french bulldog) mouth. I turn on my iPod and hear the odd melancholic lyrics about a slaying. This not my usual Ed Sheeran or Ben Howard track. The title of the song is “The Dragon’s Lament.”


“What the fuck is this?” I mutter to myself.

This isn’t mine.

“Honey, don’t say f-u-c-k in front of the baby.”

“Honey,” I reply in an equally annoying tone, “what the f-u-c-k is this?”

“Oh, I put some songs on your iPod for my dungeons and dragons session,” says my husband. But he says it like he’s proud. Proud that he imperialised my iPod? Proud that itunes has songs called “Dragon’s Lament”? I have no idea.

Bagels are done. Little A refuses to eat unless I hold his food hostage and make him beg for it. I have no idea where he has learned this.  Needless to say, it doesn’t bode well. Ironically, he doesn’t let me eat either. Every bite I take makes him throw his head back and shout baby profanities.

In walks his dad wearing my hot pink socks.


I walk into my office only to find a half eaten Elmo and little A’s books strewn all over the floor. My sanctuary is tainted with two year old.

Nothing is mine anymore. Nothing.

Little A insists I put nail polish on his toes. Don’t judge, I was too tired to put up a fight. He then pranced around in my shoes and bags – also pretty ominous – but hey, to each their own.

Nina (my black lab) also plays with my shoes. This breaks my heart and I have no choice but to sleep off the pain. I want to cry myself to sleep, but I know if I do, I won’t be able to breathe.

Two Advil and three hours later, I wake up to the sound of what I’m thinking could be Twinkle Twinkle and the sensation of someone combing their fingers through my hair.

With a sleepy smile, I open my eyes and am greeted by a diaper clad baby and husband. Both with the same expression.


Little A leans in for what I think is a kiss and grabs my phone.

His dad leans in for what I think is a hug and grabs my juice.

Skrillex has found another bra and Nina is chewing something.

I close my eyes.

I then feel two pairs of lips kiss my face.


So what if nothing I own is mine. So what if I have to delete hundred of photos off my phone so what if I have to listen to “Dragon’s Lament,” no – no I really don’t want to hear that again.

Sometimes the best things in life are the little things – other times its shoes.
Sweet Dreams World


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40 replies

  1. Ah! Your writing is a delight. Smooth, vivid, incredible..On second thoughts, I envy you!

  2. I love the last paragraph…what a great lesson in love…
    Thanks for stopping by my “websketch,” too…

  3. Vampire’s road trip: We came to visit you! Thank you for having us 🙂

  4. Skrillex is currently playing on my iPod. I’m glad you liked one of my posts do I could find you. You’re blog is greatly relate able and is a pleasure to read. I can feel the words flow through mind with ease. Naturally.

  5. Beautiful post and really funny. I also have a yr old and can completely relate to this.

  6. I can picture this fully. Great read.

  7. Great post. Thanks for sharing something that is still yours, your thoughts!

  8. This was great! Thanks for stopping by my blog~

  9. you are a very witty young lady. thanks for sharing your life with the world.

  10. Love this! Your writing brought me smiles this morning! 🙂

  11. I love the raw honesty of your posts. :^ )

  12. Cute; brought a smile.

  13. Love your post!
    Maybe we can follow each other? x

  14. Oh, yes, the paradoxes of marriage and motherhood. 🙂

  15. I really liked this one, and could relate throughout, except NOBODY uploads songs to MY iPod… =)

  16. your morning sounds a lot like mine, only I don’t have a dog to eat my bras, I have a 4 year old who commandeers them as hats…

  17. Always get a good laugh from your blog. I wonder if Cesar Milan can help you with your Lab?

  18. Girl, I know EXACTLY how you feel!!! But even though nothing is yours, the love of your little one and the love of your husband is YOURS… They love you like no one else could. 🙂

    Great post.

  19. I was smiling to myself a lot, reading this post. Your writing is direct, articulate, and hilarious! Funnily enough, “Dragon’s Lament” -absolutely- sounds like something I’d listen to. Hahaha

  20. Ur hub is a very very lucky ass,… and somehow I am sure he knows it ;)… gratz x the post!

  21. You beautifully describe parenting dilemma … so hard, so frustrating, so exhausting and so totally rewarding. Well done.

  22. Anyone who has had kids will totally identify with this post – well written, very funny, and totally believable !

  23. You seriously crack me up! Love your blog!

  24. Yup, once you have kids nothing is ever yours again. But at least you’ve got love in there (and you know it)

  25. Hilarious!! Loved it. Cannot stop laughing. 🙂

  26. great blog again shareena, my son is 34yrs so i’ve forgotten all this stuff but grandson is due tomorrow so i will be able to share baby stories with you again soon. x

  27. I’ve convinced my kids that my phone isn’t capable of playing Angry Birds. One day they will figure me out. Then I’ve got nothin’.

  28. you are hilarious. i enjoyed this very much…you little A 🙂

  29. Awww … you’re so cute! And insanely tolerant … bless!

  30. You named your dog Skrillex? o.O That’s hilarious!

  31. This had so many thoughts flying around it! It felt like a busy household and you were having to keep the pieces together! Vey funny!!

  32. so true! Nothing is mine! I have a two-year-old boy, and when he takes the phone I’m always waiting in petrified horror that he’s going to throw it across the room. And then we have to have muted happy discussions like he’s a terrorist or someone on a ledge. It’s exhausting. Good post.

  33. I relive those years when i am with my grandchildren now. they were exhausting, but as you so aptly describe, so worth the love you share. excellent!

  34. Your life is what I see mine as in a couple of years when me and my boyfriend settle down. I mean seriously. Even now with my husky and my boyfriend staying over more and more, I feel like nothing is mine at all, until one of them does something that makes my heart melt, then I let go.

    Fantastic blog.

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