Day – 20: Evil People

6:33 a.m. 

My eyes flutter open as I commence my morning ritual. Side note – I feel the term flutter may be an oversell. They really just open, like in a bland, unsexy way. 

I reach for my phone to check Twitter, just to see if the over hyped zombie apocalypse has started yet – only to find this. 

These tweets are in consequential order – 

@: “OMG this chocolate donut looks so f-ing good. I want to eat it so bad but I can’t.”

Attached is a photo of said donut – and it looks like a chocolate mess of nasty, which by the way is saying a lot because I pride myself on being an equal opportunist sugar goddess. I recently earned the title after proudly eating 3 bags of Hershey kisses.

Yeah, that’s what’s up.

The chocolate frosting on the donut was smudged and a chunk of it had been cleared off by the packaging. I mean really, what would Martha say? 

@: “OMG this donut is begging me to eat it. I would eat you pretty donut if you didn’t have a kajilion calories.”

Kajilion? 

That puppy isn’t holding more than 400 calories girl – maybe 500 tops.

Go ahead, just eat the fucking donut. 

@: “Ok, maybe I’ll just have a little. But I won’t eat you all up, I promise.”

Who speaks to a donut? 

I think we all know how this ends.

Seven tweets and 25 attempts to launch my own zombie apocalypse later, the donut is consumed – as the tweeter so generously depicted by uploading an image of the chocolate stained wrapper.

 And so congratulations, you have met one of two types of terrible people. 

Have you ever waited for someone to get into contact with you to the point that the only thing in the world that mattered was their text/email/phone call? 

And that’s when the second type of terrible comes out to play. They’re the ones that bombard you with push notifications, emails and phone calls – giving you that tiny glimmer of hope that you finally got what you were waiting for, only to evilly yank it away seconds later. 

Terrible. 

I had the good fortune to running into both this very morning. 

In my attempt to forget about my morning, I started baking. 

First, I started with cookies. Oh don’t they look so good, I want to eat you so bad…

Image

 

 

Then I made this: OMG you look even better, I want to eat you sooooooo bad too. 

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And after I return from yoga – I’ll be able to eat my cookie cake sandwich with no guilt. 

 

Several Hours Later. 

 

I returned from yoga only to find that my four dogs ate everything. 

I hate a good plot twist. 

Sweet Dreams World. 

 

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55 replies

  1. Awesome cookies… You should eat them all. And tweet about it:)

  2. Looks yummy. I can skip the donuts, but fresh baked cookies.. mmmm

  3. Cookies look yummy, not enough build up to the final destruction ( haha). If you were on Twitter you would have needed a few more. Hey, thanks for checking out my blog! Glad it led me over here.

  4. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!! Sorry. I have inside dogs too. That eat shizz all the time. It’s sympathy laughter. Promise. 🙂

  5. OH MY gosh I would have been SOSOSOSO MAD!! I get so worked up with excitement for treats after a workout, that if anyone messes with that I will shank them.

  6. Props for baking and making everything look so pretty. You have to buy some tupperware though and seal everything from the dogs. The dogs have no mercy.

  7. I like your writing voice and tone- it’s playful, inviting and slightly unexpected, like being in a canoe when a unseen boat wake almost knocks you over. Thanks for writing.

  8. I just don’t understand people that deprive themselves of donut-y goodness. Chocolate filled, chocolate frosted chocolate donut? Ohhhhhh, its about to get nasty in here…. 😀 There is a reason I am still fluffy, can’t figure it out for the life of me though….. heh heh heh

  9. FAIL! Oh well, guess the dogs have to live with the guilt now lol.

  10. Fairy dog mothers???? Worse then a Jiminy Crickets…stealing all those great goodies! :-*

  11. 4 dogs?

    Got any pics? 😆

    Love dogs – had 4 myself but lost the oldest not that long ago 😦

    Now at the beck and call of 3 x Jack Russells that run me ragged catering to their every whim and desire :! 😳

  12. Ha! This is fantastic. And now today will be a day spent baking. And now I have to go buy sprinkles. And read more of your blog. 🙂

  13. Your day sound wonderful. Wake up, bake, yoga, come home to four adorable dogs. Not going to lie, pretty jealous. Except for the cookie thing. Yeah. That blows.

  14. Thanks for stopping by! Great blog, and awesome cookies!

  15. OMG I died at “They really just open, like in a bland, unsexy way.” hahaha. Thank you for that sentence.

  16. Nice looking cookies. I am on a three day fitness craze, so will have to pass. 🙂
    Thanks for following, “Honey.”

  17. Everyone knows that yoga makes it OK to eat unlimited numbers of cookies. I should start doing yoga. And stop eating so many cookies.

    I wish that dog part was a joke. I couldn’t even handle that level of heartbreak.

  18. Oh mann! But good for you for baking for Valentine’s Day! I’ve not done anything…:(

  19. Thank you for dropping-by my post. I love your dogs 🙂

  20. Hahahaha…. epic ending! I like this! Greeting from newbie on the block. Thank U for visiting me Shareenayoub 😀

  21. Hah! Story of my life. Not the zombie apocalypse part or the twitter part. More the bitterly quick end to a long story :p thanks for the laugh!

  22. A sugar goddess waiting on the Zombie Apocalypse! I think you may be my long lost sister! After a shitty day I needed this laugh!

  23. Instead of hearts, the cookies should be shaped like cross-sections of brain, that way they’d be dual use food/zombie diversions… but the dogs would still eat them.

  24. I hate that I need to get productive. I’ve read this and I swear to god I could stay here for the next hour. This put a smile on my face and a notion to shed the funk of yesterday, and move into today.

  25. Well at least the Tweeperd wasn’t talking about a hot dog and posting pictures. Now, that would be really weird.

  26. can’t believe you missed out on your treats!

  27. That looks delicious! And thank you for making me feel a little less strange about speaking to pastries and baked goods.

  28. HAHA! I know the EXACT type of people that you’re referring to so I can definitely relate; this was a great post!

  29. This made me laugh out loud – brilliant. But I’m sorry your cookies got eaten.

  30. Haha they do look that good 🙂

  31. I was sitting on the edge of my chair reading this on my iphone….waiting expectantly to read how delicious your cookies and cake was – and I literally almost tipped the chair I was sitting on I was giggling so hard! Ahhh life with the doggies… yup there’s always an excellent story isn’t there! Great post.

  32. Oh. My. God.
    You are hilarious!!! I am going to get no sleep tonight reading through these snarky posts.
    Love them!

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