Day – 19: 2 Year Old STDS

As a parent, there are certain realities that I have succumbed to. The fact that my smart phone’s life span has halfed, that my tablet will permanently retain it’s chocolate smeared screen, that the words of most- if not all nursery rhymes, will haunt my hallways, and that my laptop will always be playing one of three shows – Baby Einstein, Super Simple Learning Songs and yes, sadly, the eerie looking pedo Teletubbies.

And it’s cool. I’m totally fine with that. I’ll even take it a step further, and tell you that I actually find his colouring with permanent marker all over my office’s brand new wooden floor endearing.

But the past few days – he has gone too far.

It started Friday morning when he awoke with a fever. “Daycare,” I grumbled.

Happily embracing my maternal duties – I performed the due diligence. I force fed him the adequate dosage of Tylenol and practically water boarded with him with fluid – all while cuddling and watching – you guessed it – Pedo-Tubbies.

Saturday then rolled along. I awoke in a cheerful mood – because Little A kicked his fever in the butt last night. I happily sauntered into his room singing the lyrics to Hickory Dickory Dock when I was greeted by a scene from the Walking Dead.

My beautiful baby’s mouth was covered in little red ulcers, pustules, if you will, oozing with liquid around the periphery of his perfectly shaped lips. I would post a picture, but I’m pretty sure he would sue me later if I performed this act of public defamation.

He beamed at me as I cringed in horror. Sucking it up, I reached for him as he leaned over and tried to kiss me.

I’m a terrible human being. I know.

I tried to dodge, bobbing my head back in forth, which in turn only cemented the idea in his mind that this was a game. And apparently – a fun one.

Reluctantly I kissed back. As my face came into contact with his poor little mouth, I could feel the puss filled bubbles around his lips brush on my cheek – leaving some sort of residual cesspool of the rapidly multiplying virus.

With no time to waste, it was off to the emergency room.

Wait – time out – before leaving I was sure to squirt roughly half a bottle of hand sanitizer directly all over my face.

I hate the emergency room. Why?

Because everyone who walks in, automatically believes that no case is as important nor as urgent as their child’s. I am an adamant believer in this philosophy. When I barge in, for some reason, I expect 14 nurses and 7 doctors to rush towards me – ensuring that every relevant medical exam is performed on my child while I patiently wait sipping on my white chocolate mocha. That being said, I am yet to pull off the uber lie guaranteed to get your child in first. You kow the one that sounds like, “yeah so my child has a fever of 104.6 and he/she was vomiting something that might have been blood oh and they hit their head but I’m not sure if the concussion happened before or after they came into contact with someone that had Ebola.”

Works every time – or so I’m told.

With Little A’s tiny arms wrapped around my neck, he continued to kiss me, incessantly. I resigned myself to the fact that it was only a matter of time before I too, would look like a Zombie.

One glance in the emergency room and I was ready to leave. The place was packed with not less than 40 children. Each one with their little plastic vomit container and head bandage. Might I add that not one of the container had a smear of throw up in them. But anyways.

Fortunately the clinic next to the house was open and had space for us.

The doctor took one look at Little A and said one word. “Herpangina”

“My son has herpes?”

I glared at A, who was no longer little after earning his first STD.

“No,” he whimpered wide eyed.

“No, Herpangina is quite common in children. It is not Herpes,” she continued on – but quite frankly after hearing that my two year old wasn’t playing house, or doctor, or stripper, at daycare – none of it mattered.

Popsicles in hand – we both laid on the floor. Me in relief that he didn’t have herpes or chicken pox, and him grateful that the ice was numbing the pain.

Little A – I’m so sorry I very visibly cringed when you tried to kiss me – but in my defence – ok there is no defence. Here’s to when we can go back to doing this:

Me and A

Sweet Dreams World

P.s. Get well soon.

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32 replies

  1. I understand. Completely. I wish I could tell you after 13 years of parenting that the boils, puss, open wounds and other horribly disgusting things that look either Black Plague or Zombie mutation related, get easier to deal with. But then I would be a big fat liar. Luckily, I have totally been able to get my gag reflex under control. 🙂

  2. Poor kid! I like how the recommended treatment includes popsicles & ice-cream (via http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001964/), so it’s not all bad. 🙂 Hope he gets better soon!

  3. Yikes. Hopefully he feels better soon. Every time we have to go to the ER we always get taken first, my wife says because I have a scary you better check my baby out first look. I don’t understand why, I am so fluffy and lovable….. 😉

  4. I am so glad it was nothing serious. Was it an allergic reaction to a medication? I am glad he will be better and hope that you do not get it!!!

  5. Poor Little A. What a rough time he had. Get better soon and lots of kisses are in your future I am sure. What an ordeal. Nice to meet you. ERs do suck. Never have an emergency on a weekend or at night.

  6. Glad he is okay, that must have been a shock.

  7. I remember the time my 3 beautiful children sprouted Chicken Pox together. It was heartbreaking, as I found myself cringing when I looked at them. But, like you, I pulled myself together and endured the pox filled snuggles and kisses.

  8. I laughed out loud at the ER scene in my head!

  9. Keep your child away from Snooki’s kid to ensure they don’t get herpes.

  10. aah! i was sure it was going to turn out to be chicken pox. hope he is better now. and hope you haven’t now got herpangina. lovely pic of the two of you. x

  11. Thanks for stopping by my blog :-). I like your blog writing, I can totally relate! Get better soon little man!

  12. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    ANY ONE WHO CAN QUICKLY “LIKE” A POEM ABOUT CAT FARTS IS SOMEONE SPECIAL!!!—Jonathan 🙂

  13. Thank you for liking my cat fart poetry so quickly! My wife and I never had any children of our own, but we’ve had cats…sometimes four at a time, when we had a house and woodlot…and both of us have worked taking care of people—as I help my wife now with her needs personal etc.

  14. Oh no! I remember when my daughter came down with that in third grade, she had a terrible time and missed a couple of weeks of school with that fever. The good news is it usually runs its course on its own, you just have to buy stock in tylenol until it does.

  15. Awww, glad he’s ok! What a scare!

    Also, that picture of you both is kind of super adorable 🙂

    xo,
    Jamie

    http://www.inspirationlush.com

  16. I love how honest you are as a mother. There are so many things we are “not supposed” to say or feel. Yeah right!

  17. Best part: “…yeah so my child has a fever of 104.6 and he/she was vomiting something that might have been blood oh and they hit their head but I’m not sure if the concussion happened before or after they came into contact with someone that had Ebola.”

    And the part about waterboarding.

    Hilarious!

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