Day -12: The Meetup Faux Pas

In an electrifying attempt to defib the flat line that is my life, I mustered up the courage to start a writing club on Meetup.

A noble quest for one who enjoys putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard.

It was only after I had given the mean machine my credit card number, when a miniscule voice in my head – posing as my equally tiny self esteem – graciously pointed out a numerical observation.

What if, just what if, absolutely no one out of the hundreds of thousands of inhabitants of this city joins this group?

My tiny, lonely avatar stared back at me with sadness in her eyes. Great. I had ruined “cyber me’s” life as well.

I reached for my trusty bag of comfort sugar and started to tilt my head back and open my mouth wide, when the welcoming “ding” from my Mac rang out.

A ding I was desperate to hear.

It was the glorious sound of online acceptance.

And with that ding came many more, and by many I mean 13.

Now that I had successfully penetrated the online world of people, I needed to materialize an actual meet up date. I channeled my inner Geppetto and willed for these 13 avatars to come to life.

Ok, well it wasn’t like that.

Typical me, I started to obsess about our first rendez-vous and how perfect it would be. I looked online for inspiration – only to find horrible stories of people that had been butchered, raped, or kidnapped at these online organized anonymous encounters.

Generic coffee shop it is then.

Finally, the big day arrived. And I was so ready. Rummaging through my closet, I reached for what would later be described as the most pretentious outfit ever. Mistake number one.

Apparently my fellow writers don’t enjoy a real life Blair Waldorf in the flesh. I guess I should have went with a Dan outfit instead.

If only my night of faux pas had ended there…if only.

I arrived at my local Starbucks with my scribbled A4 sheet of paper identifying the club. Sadly, I wasn’t the first to arrive. I was greeted by an over eager 20 something male. He was too eager. He asked me what I did and started to financially size me up. There was something off, and I couldn’t quite put my impeccably manicured finger on it.

A few minutes later, an average looking couple found their way to our table and started with ” We’re already successful self published authors.”
I was in the midst of Amazon royalty.

Was I even allowed to look them in the eye, let alone enjoy a hot beverage with them? After all, I just write… a blog.

Why couldn’t I have my pencil colored portfolio with me, or at least these?

photo (3)

Awakening me from my reverie where I practiced bowing and curtsies, two of my good friends decided they too, would join. As soon as they pulled up a chair – inquisitive guy number one started to also pursue his own match of twenty questions.

A few rapid minutes later, the monarchs started to sniff out my noobish attitude. They were on to the blatant fact that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Perhaps I over sold on the site?

Conversation was getting stale and even the question guy was running out financial indicative queries he could ask.

And then it happened.

My Clint Eastwood moment.

He casually strolled into Starbucks, everyone sat and stared at his grandeur. He was over 6 feet with streaks of white through his grey mane. He slowly pushed his glasses further up his nose then asked in a deep voice, “Is this the meet up for writers and bloggers?”

I nodded slowly.

Obviously awe struck at this man’s brilliant aura, one of my friends decided to take over. “So, what are you writing about?”

 

 

“I’ve witnessed things I can’t talk about. Terrible. Horrible. Things. Death, torture, drugs – you name it.”

Jaws dropped in unison – every single one, even the baristas’ couldn’t help it.

I needed a cigarette and I don’t smoke.

“Tell us more,” someone muttered.

“I can’t,” he replied stoically.

“I knew you couldn’t handle it,” he spat out as he watched, albeit disgustedly, at our amateur awe.

He tossed his dirty napkin at us – and with that, he was gone.

It seemed like a good time to end the session.

Don’t know if I’ll do another.

But before I left, like the plot of every mystery novel, the story of the inquisitor unraveled. Turns out he was a real estate agent who meet-up hopped to grab business. I discovered this when he confidently, and by confidently I mean shamelessly, pressed his business card into my palm.

Ruthless market.

 

Sweet Dreams World

 

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31 replies

  1. Wow. That was, well, wow. At least you weren’t kidnapped or ax murdered. Did you learn anything through osmosis from the Amazon Royals? I am always afraid to go to things like that, either you will have the psycho that wants you for a skin suit, or the psycho that wants to sell you a house/car/appliance. Not certain which one is worse. 🙂

  2. You are hilarious! I applaud you for having the courage to start a meet up group. And congrats on living to tell the tale – faux pas and all!

  3. Our community is so small (how small is it?!) If I were to host something like that the attendence sheet would look like: retired English teacher, nosey neighbor, stray dog (who could quite possibly be the most interesting guest), the guy running for town board and my mother-in-law. Oye.

  4. Thanks for liking the contest — but — can you guess who they are? And, can you do it before ANYONE else does? Asking Clint Eastwood might help. In fact, he would know them for sure. In fact, his first TV show was probably on about the same time as these other characters were. Rawhide! Snap! And, if you can tell me who the star of that show was, and what happened to him, I’ll send you a copy of Through the Glass Darkly as well. 🙂 LSM

  5. Interesting. I love your writing. This is the first time I have visited your blog, great writing, this story was fantastic. I look forward to reading more of your craft.
    Thank you for being so creative.

  6. Glad you took the leap. I’m a new blogger as well. Great writing! I look forward to reading more about what’s on your mind.

  7. What a great story–you have fodder here for start up conversations for months to come. For that, it was worth every agonizing moment!….of course I was not the person agonizing every moment, so my comments are a little skewed 🙂

  8. It was an interesting meetup, especially since I was the guy who doesn’t actually write but I’m going anyway 😛

    Getting sized up by a real estate agent and then not getting a card is always fun, even though I all ready own a house but apparently I was not worthy of his grandeur haha.

    I am sure it’s because I didn’t recognise him from his signs (which I see everyday on the way to work) until he mentioned on that was vandalized with the giant moustache and only then did I recognize him.

    Everyone else was fine but definitely an interesting group.

  9. While I was reading your post, I had a small smile creeping up my face . Your completely “serious” article made me LOL by the end! Lovely style of writing. New, fresh and entertaining. 🙂

  10. thank you for sharing your Clint Eastwood moment. You made me lol. Being a new blogger I’m still listening for that heavenly “bing”

  11. Girl you have courage I give you that – not sure, if I had the courage to go out there to do the same – saying that I have had similar experiences in other ventures I’ve been involved in. I like the style of writing here, its different.

  12. “by confidently I mean shamelessly”

    LOL! Gosh– all this is going on for writers in Edmonton?? I’m a blogger too! It sounds like I’ve been missing out on some ….great character studies!

    I’ve always been curious about what happens at meetups. Epic lols.

    Great blog
    A

  13. Hey! I nominated you for the liebster award! Check out my blog for details and if you are interested I can e-mail you a set of questions to participate.

  14. So how to do a meetup without disaster and dubious characters? BTW you should see Last Supper starring Cameron Diaz. Not exactly a meetup but a kind of a funny, deathly take on killer conversations. I’d love to do a book club or a writing club, but I think the best part of it only happens in my imagination. Around a coffee table or in a restaurant with a bunch of strangers I’m afraid it will be all “I did this,” “I did that,” “I did it better,” “or you mean you haven’t read Proust?” stuff like that.

  15. Oh my, what a first meetup. Don’t let this one evening stop you. Keep meeting. You rock for stepping up to the challenge. Its nice to know I am not the only starting a brand new writer’s group this year. We can be encouraging to each other. BTW, today is the first time reading your blog. I am enjoying it and will be pressing the “follow” button.

  16. All I can muster to say here is that you are one more funny chick.

  17. Good to know – no organizing writing MeetUps for me… Thanks for the heads up. Enjoying your writing, btw. You have a solid voice.

  18. you had me at the edge of my seat…then BAM, business card in hand…the instant killer to me… It happens just like that. Damn business card marketers.

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