Reddit – You broke my soul.

Dear Reddit,

How could you do this to me? How could you perform the cruelest act any

site could do to such a faithful adorer. An online restraining order? Really? And for what? Because I went behind your back and performed the act of self love? Because I wore one or two or seven disguises to give myself the boost I needed to be strong for you?

I deserve to be happy too! 

You sit there with people pleasing you all day long and I don’t complain. 

I’ve searched the web long and far to find someone so generous with their love, who can give me the hit(s) you do…and nothing. I’m left with nothing. It’s not my fault that people can’t find my brilliant, loosely based on true stories about sex in dumpsters and erotic emails gone wrong. I’m clean, I tell you, virus free. 

I stare at my pathetic number of hits, with yesterday’s stats in the background taunting me, teasing me of what we once had together. 

I know I screwed up, I shouldn’t have lied over and over to you, thinking that I could outsmart you. I’m sorry I never took the time to read your reddiquette. I never expected you to be vindictive, my love, to block my IP address AND my domain. That’s the real life equivalent of slashing my tires AND smashing my IMac. Heartless. 

Forgive me. 

I need you. 

Oprah will never find me if we don’t make it work. 

I promise next time I’ll be better.  

You probably will never find this since my site is blocked. 

With love, 

#477,232nd banned user. 



Categories: Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , ,

3 replies

  1. Good news, your iMac isn’t smashed! Your domain isn’t bloked anymore though I’m not sure about the IP address. Give it some time to see.

    Your account might be gone though 😦

    Bottome line is don’t try to cheat the system as it will gt caught. Your hits will go up though do not worry about that at all 🙂

  2. Hahahahaa as always Dean – excellent points!

  3. I love Reddit, but sometimes I wonder how the hell some things get on top. That sloth video I posted was way cuter than any other one!

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