The next morning, three friends gathered to Lucille’s – their favourite breakfast hot spot, notorious for sharing shameful stories over scrumptious pancakes and fruit. Although hangovers weren’t necessary, they were certainly common. Each one avoided eye contact, ordering their usuals and complaining about how their heads felt like they were the ball in a vicious game of Troll dodge ball.
“I lost my virginity in an oversized street trash can,” G started. B and C’s jaws fell to the floor.
“That’s disgusting,” B retorted. His face contorted into an acrimonious expression – looking a lot like what would happen if well – one found out their best friends just had sex in a dumpster.
“I shouldn’t even touch you,” C said jokingly as she reached into her bag for hand sanitizer. Pouring copious amounts in her palms and B’s, he continued.
“Sex is overrated. She had nice tits, but sex is stupid. I’m not going to do it again until I get married,” he concluded with an expression of enlightened self affirmation.
“Did you use protection?” C asked cautiously-mentally bracing herself for the answer she expected.
“Nah, you can’t get pregnant when you’re losing your virginity,” G belted confidently at the two perplexed faces gaping at him in horror.
B stepped in, changing the subject.
“So yeah, last night after the show a girl asked me to pee on her.”
C started to gather her things to leave.
“Just wait just wait, I didn’t do it,” B said. “She’s 9 years younger than me, she’s 16 guys.”
C got up, G pulled her down, she reached for the sanitizer.
“What did you do?” G asked eagerly grinning ear to ear. He was in pervert heaven.
“I kicked her out, what was I supposed to do? Go R Kelly on her ass – whip it out and pee on her? How do you even pee on someone? Isn’t there like performance anxiety?”
“Oh.my.God,” huffed C, ploughing her head into her hands.
“Oh shut up little miss show me your throbbing member and let’s make love to the Backstreet Boys,” shot back B.
C’s face reddened.
“What’s this about?” asked G.
“She sent out a porn mail to you know who.”
The restaurant filled with G’s obnoxious laughter. Gasping for air he asked between breaths, “What did he say?”
“I don’t want to talk about,” she tartly replied.
“He said he was “inspired”,” laughed out B.
C watched her two friends laugh uncontrollably glaring at them she soon succumbed into hysterics as well.
“Here’s to the last day of 2012,” cheered B as he dramatically lifted his orange juice to the air.
“Here’s hoping 2013 is filled with more mistakes, more laughs, and more love,” chimed G.
C leaned over hugging both of her friends. They happily munched hungrily on their breakfasts knowing that no matter what, they would always have each other.
Happy New Year.
Fall in love.
Fight for everything you want.
Let go of a grudge.
And I will too.
Sweet Dreams World