I listened to one of my good friends rehash a history of disastrous “socially” monumental experiences- otherwise known as the Classic First. The only way I could hide my horrified expression was by avidly sucking on noodles from my Thai soup. What he lived was nothing short of a tragedy. It was traumatising. All I could think was, “she did what?” or “Oh my God, Jerry Springer pays people to come up with this shit.” He was going to cary this burden with him forever, I could see it tearing at his soul.
I felt guilty and unbelievably lucky, I don’t even remember half of my firsts but then again, my brain is really good at blocking out bad experiences. All I recall was there was no magic and I most certainly never felt the urge to break out into song and dance – wait, I might have – first drink and all.
We place way too much importance on first times – thinking that these experiences will be life altering ones that change and mould us forever.
Whether it’s a first job, first kiss, first drink, or loss of virginity, it’s all the same hype followed by a very anticlimactic “oh.”
We fantasise about these milestones, expecting every detail to be perfect, that a first kiss should be in the rain, and that sex for the first time should be accompanied by Ed Sheeran’s “Give Me Love.” We then turn gravely disappointed when these experiences go awfully astray, some of us go even further and feel regret.
But what if first times were meaningless – what if the sick irony of the world was that 7th times are a guaranteed hit, that kiss number 376 is mind blowing and job number 4 is the one that gets you the penthouse, indoor pool and life time supply of Jimmy Choos.
Maybe we should only place value on life events that prove worthy of the title.
First times are heavy with pressure and filled with expectation – two of the most unsexy forces in the universe. Even songs that move us when we initially hear them get stale and old.
You don’t have to regret what you’ve done, because the truth is, it doesn’t matter. You will continue to live, and to experience events in your life that are far more magical. The best part is you’ll eventually laugh about that boss that was a total douche, about that sloppy kiss, about that awkward conversation when basic biology fails, about how you couldn’t hold your drink – now, isn’t that cooler?
Sweet Dreams World.