Day 20

Six episodes in of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, I couldn’t help but wonder, how do people watch this shit?

Ok I get it, yeah their family resembles an atrocity – the kind you can’t peel your eyes away from, and yeah I guess it’s amusing to watch who has Kanye West by the balls, but like really America? I’m sure there are cooler ideas for reality shows,  then it hit me like a beaming light from a divine source.

The world has a surplus of two breeds of exceedingly crazy mother fuckers.

Political/Religious, close minded fanatics and trigger happy gun freaks. Each pose an equal burden to us normal people that think it’s not ok to kill kids or people that want to watch Christian Bale speak in his date rape voice for two hours. God…Batman you’re sexy. The best part is these people want to murder each other anyways – this is the show that would essentially kill two terrorists with one round.

So, imagine this, and try to do so with the voice of that guy who does voice overs for movie trailers.

An idea for a reality show that would make millions.

Insert Inception music here.

 

A deserted island off the coast of who gives a fuck. Two teams must fight to the death.

Meet Team Number One -known for blowing shit up -mainly themselves, for making down with the West viral videos, and for bringing the beard back. Can we hear a loud welcome for the Virgin Poppin’ Posse.

And now, meet Team Number Two – known for buying excessive automatic weapons online from Wal-Mart and for using people as target practice, let’s welcome our Red-Neck Raiders.

Now, hidden around this Island are various rifles, automatic weapons, and tools to make your own bombs, the object of the game is use these weapons to eliminate your opponents. The rules are there are NO RULES. No wait, there are, if you aim, taunt or shoot the camera crew, directors or people that have paid ridiculous amounts of money to get court side seats, you will automatically detonate. Don’t forget to pace yourselves, we do have a 12 episode season to commit to.

Now, during your difficult quest – at random increments of course- you will hear a buzzer and one of three area of effect weapons will set off. The three include a localized spray of our choice of chemical weapon, a section of the island will detonate, or our team of former Navy Seal snipers will start randomly shooting at people.

Your food is whatever you can find, you sleep wherever you feel safe to.

The beauty of this project is that is a low budget. The weapons on the Island would be the personal cache of both teams. Trust me, there’ll be more than enough fire power. And wardrobe? HA! When have we ever commented on any of these crazy killers sense of style? No, fashion won’t be an added expense. As for cameras, I’m sure the Chinese would be more than willing to offer us an all time low deal. Silly me, Wal-Mart obviously will provide the cameras, as long as they of course go down as a Gun sponsor.

I suppose we should scatter some first aid kits all over the place, I mean we are human after all.

We should probably provide a care package as well, you know with a deck of cards, a travel size connect four, malaria pills, toothbrush/toothpaste and wet wipes. Yeah, hygiene is definitely important.

 

Oh my God. Plot twist.

What if they turn against us? Should there be an auto-nuke function? We’ll have to think about that.

 

Now who should host the show? Hmm I’m thinking Elton John wait no no Ian McKellen – you know the guy that plays Gandalf in Lord of the Rings wait, I’ve got it, Jean Luc Picard – Partick Stewart.

This is Emmy Gold.

So there you’ve got it – the enriched uranium of reality shows.

 

Sweet Dreams World.

 

 

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1 reply

  1. The only flaw I can see in this logic is that the island might not be big enough for all these people or would some be saved for later seasons?

    It also might be cheaper to have robot controlled cameras. We wouldn’t want the innocent camera crew to get hurt. Or the entire thing is shot handy cam style with a geosynchronous satellite doing an overhead feed of events.

    I think I am thinking about how this would actually work way too much lol

    In a way this battle happens everyday around the world, it would save some innocent lives if it were contained to random island x.

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