Day 7

I’m terrible at doing the right thing. In fact, you can pretty much be sure that it’s a safe bet that I won’t.

Sure, I, like many, pretend that I have a firm moral compass that I strictly live by. Who am I kidding? I’m a compulsive everything. “Hell yeah! I’ll buy that shiny blue pan made out of diamonds.” Or “Yes! Every 28 year old should have brand new My Little Pony toys.”  I have an opinion about everything and I judge like my job. I’m an activist with the inability to activate. I’m a humanitarian with no humanity.

I have the will power of … oh I don’t know, something with little to none. If there are 15 sugar cookies laying in front of me, or a fresh baked batch of banana muffins, I will eat them. All of them. Obviously I have the obligatory conversation where I convince myself that I will do not one but TWO consecutive hour of hot yoga tomorrow, oh and I’ll also walk all four of my dogs for an hour EACH. And if I do all of that then it will be as if everything I just ate would be cancelled out. Usually the way this story plays out is with me sprawled on my couch with a bag of Hershey kisses in hand and CNN playing on the TV the next day.

I need to send that lady some flowers or a fruit basket. That “lady” is the poor soul that has been receiving most of my mail for the past 6 months. She is the actually victim of my new found online shopping addiction. And she hates me. I know this because she called me once to nicely tell me that she received the rest of the My Little Pony accessories I ordered off of Amazon. There is literally a woman, in this city, who must think I am some sort of psycho with a pony fetish. The real problem here is that half of Edmonton’s roads are the same number.

This is how crappy I am, a week ago, I baked an obscene amount of cookies for my Yoga Studio. They never made it outside the house. Never stood a chance.

I never wipe my boots enough and always leave a muddy streak at my son’s daycare despite the fact that there’s a HUGE sign that kindly asks parents to take off their shoes altogether.

Have I sent out Christmas presents yet? No.

Do I walk all 4 of my dogs on a daily basis? No.

Did I really need more coasters? Actually yes. The dogs chewed on the other ones.

I’m so bad I lied about getting all the dogs snow boots. Oh my God, I can actually feel my soul rotting like a decayed tooth. I’m going to need to see a dentist soon if I don’t drop my sugar addiction. And I hate the dentist. Not personally, more theoretically.

The point of this post is that I should be better.

But you, you already are.

Sweet Dreams World.


Categories: Uncategorized

4 replies

  1. I wouldn’t call you a terrible person, nor even a bad person.

    We all have our vices, like you I have no self control when it comes to treats. Unlike you I don’t even make an effort to work out or do things to counter what I have just eaten. I think “Yeah I should but nah”. It is something I need to change but I have a hard time motivating myself to do so.

    I buy stupid things I don’t need all the time but I enjoy doing it and it’s not the worst thing a person can do. Tis unfortunate that your mail goes to this random person but it’s not really your fault, with the addition of the souther part of Edmonton the addresses got stupid. I guess you just have to make sure that the SW is part of the address.

    Hell you may not have sent out Christmas gifts, I haven’t even bought any yet or looked for any.

    So like I said I don’t think you are a bad person at all, in fact I would say you are one of the nicest people I have met. I always feel super welcome in your home, you always have made something to snack on (which is awesome), and you keep treating me to movies (which I need to get you guys back one of these days :P). All in all I would say that you are a very generous person with a kind heart. Sure you can be lazy and and buy things you don’t need but we all do this stuff.

    If anything it’s a lack of motivation. The weather here does not help motivate someone to go out and do things and if you are all ready not feeling super motivated to do something then its even harder. Perhaps something we should do is just start a routine (Yoga, walking, running whatever) and help motivate each other to do these things. I know I could use the motivation for this lol. I always find doing things with friends is way better than alone.

    Anyway bottom line, your are not a terrible person.

  2. Dean, you are the exception, not the rule 😛

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